REASONS MARRIAGE ARE UNDER ATTACK WITH MOMMY PDJ

PROPHETESS DR. JUSTINA

REASONS MARRIAGE ARE UNDER ATTACK

Today, I'll be sharing insights based on questions I've received and experiences I've observed. I've titled this session "Reasons Marriages Are Under Attack." There are numerous reasons for this, both physical and spiritual, but today I'll emphasize the physical ones. The Bible states, "Can two walk together except they agree?" Without agreement, collaboration becomes difficult. Marriage is a union founded on mutual agreement, a vow to live and partner together as spouses. However, various factors are causing marriages to be under siege, with 70 to 80% of people merely enduring their marriages due to societal pressure, family expectations, fear of stigma, or the lack of courage to seek freedom from an unhappy marriage. This has led to a decline in the value God placed on marriage. Many people, both Christian and non-Christian, find marriage unappealing. Interestingly, many troubled and toxic marriages are found among Christians, as other denominations often adhere to specific principles and systems. Unfortunately, many Christians attribute issues to the devil, ignoring the true nature of marriage challenges. I've identified five key points we'll discuss to gain insights. This presentation, as mentioned earlier, compiles questions and experiences I've gathered to share this knowledge. I hope it will help those currently married and those considering marriage in the future. Please listen carefully and invite your friends.

FOLLOWING GRACE

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The primary reason marriages face challenges is inadequate planning. Marriage is designed by God to be a lifelong commitment, not a temporary endeavor. If you plan poorly, you may encounter difficulties. Marrying just to avoid being single often leads to exhaustion within six months because the foundation is flawed. Many feel societal pressure to marry, which can be overwhelming. I personally fasted and prayed, seeking guidance from God, as I felt marriage was a necessity due to societal expectations. This pressure was self-imposed and stressful. Without divine intervention, I might have felt suffocated. Poor planning impacts marriage, especially when more is spent on the wedding than on sustaining the marriage. For instance, if both partners are financially constrained but try to impress wedding guests who will only be present for a few hours, this is unwise. If you can afford a lavish wedding, that's fine, but don't plan beyond your means. No couple receives a global award for the best wedding; celebrations are fleeting. Planning affects marriage because some exhaust their finances on the wedding—bridesmaids, venue, invitations, catering—without securing a home, income, or employment. The focus becomes solely on getting married, driven by intense love, but this is unsustainable. The Bible advises counting the cost before starting. Basic needs must be met, even if starting in a single room. Employment or a business is essential. Consider what you have at home, such as kitchen utensils and a mattress. Entering marriage without planning these essentials while overspending on wedding food is unwise. Relying on inherited items from a failed marriage is not ideal. Poor planning can lead to significant challenges.

Number two, another tangible factor that can confront you with harsh truths is having an unreasonable partner. An unreasonable partner will cause frustration. This is why I often say some individuals prefer to marry a submissive person. Many men seek to marry a submissive woman because they fear confrontation and are intimidated by women who can challenge or stand up to them. This can also apply to women seeking submissive men. While it might seem easier, it actually requires effort, as marrying someone submissive makes rational communication as challenging as threading a needle through the eye of an animal. Therefore, it's crucial that you, as someone entering marriage, aren't an unreasonable partner, as you owe each other accountability and responsibility. You owe it to yourselves to understand each other and to collaborate on plans. A plan without a future is essentially no plan at all. Some might say they're waiting on God, but what are they waiting for? God placed you on earth to use your brain and provided everything needed for a successful life. Claiming to wait on God is an unreasonable statement; such waiting should have occurred before marriage. You shouldn't enter marriage and then tell your partner you're waiting on God, especially when children are involved. Having faith without a plan is unreasonable. Many Christians make this mistake. It's possible to work on something while trusting God for growth and abundance. However, saying you're waiting on God without a plan, merely praying and hoping, reflects a lack of reasoning. When your partner is unreasonable in family planning, one of you will likely endure trauma, as marriage is meant to be a partnership. If you have a qualification but don't seek employment, hoping God will provide, that's not sensible. Instead, use your qualifications, prepare your CV, and share it with your spouse and acquaintances. If you rely solely on divine intervention without taking action, it can be distressing and draining for your partner. Sometimes, people unknowingly harm each other in marriage due to such attitudes.

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When your partner is not responding reasonably, they are inadvertently causing you harm. This creates a mental form of toxicity within the relationship. The partner may not realize they are introducing this negativity due to their inability to be reasoned with. For instance, if you discuss having many children and they insist, "God says we should multiply," without considering financial constraints, it becomes problematic. They might refuse family planning despite insufficient resources, leaving existing children unfed and uneducated while expecting neighbors to cover hospital bills. This is an unreasonable partner, and such behavior places you in a difficult situation. Marriage is a serious commitment between two adults who have consciously decided to live together. If your partner insists on having more children despite financial struggles and refuses to seek help or compromise, you are dealing with an unreasonable person. Challenges arise, and a supportive partner should stand with you in prayer and effort to push the family forward. When a partner resists solving problems and cannot be convinced to see reason, it becomes troubling. Such a partner might only view situations from a limited or selfish perspective, hindering family progress. Some partners prioritize extended family over their immediate family, even when resources are insufficient. When you explain that this affects your immediate family, they might misinterpret your intentions. The issue is not helping family but the lack of adequate resources. Reasoning with such a partner becomes challenging, making it difficult to progress. It's crucial to recognize that our attitudes and reasoning with our partners can frustrate a good relationship.

A good partner can choose to become negative or hostile, or become angry due to an unreasonable partner. This is why many marriages become distant. If a wife notices a mistake and tries to discuss it, but the husband fails to recognize it, she might seek other solutions. That marriage is already fractured unless efforts are made to mend it. Otherwise, the couple will merely coexist like roommates. You may appear to live together, but you are not truly a couple. There is a distinction between living together and being a couple; they are two different experiences. You might be bound by marriage, but not functioning as a couple because you cannot reason together. Some couples, or specifically husbands and wives, experience situations where the husband physically abuses the wife. Despite her repeated requests for him to stop, especially in public, he continues, blaming her words and insults for provoking him. In such cases, the husband is being unreasonable, as the wife has clearly communicated her boundaries. Yet, he lacks self-control, repeating his actions and apologizing repeatedly, leading to a loss of trust. It is crucial to be reasonable with each other. Don't make assumptions. When your husband raises a point, discuss it together. Present the facts and the truth. If the truth is more significant than the facts, focus on the truth. The same applies when the wife addresses the husband. Acknowledge the truth and address it, preventing the marriage from becoming stifled. Many people unknowingly act as instruments of destruction in their own marriages because they are not reasonable. They fail to understand others' perspectives, focusing only on their own views. Many men and women should be aware of this. I've received numerous questions about this, and I will address it generally.

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Number three, miscommunication. This involves not informing partners about relevant issues. For example, if your father is visiting you as a married woman, you should tell your husband, "My father is visiting next week." This doesn't imply that the house solely belongs to your husband or that you lack rights. It's simply about communication. Assuming that both you and your husband have rights to the house and thus your father can visit at any time is a miscommunication. Proper communication would allow your husband to say, "Let your father visit at the end of the month so I can afford to be a good son-in-law when my salary arrives." This is good communication and planning. Ignoring such communication can create issues in your relationship. If you're the breadwinner and have a plan for sending money, it's important to agree on it with your partner. Don't assume they don't need to be informed. If you travel for work, there's nothing wrong with telling your partner, "I'm traveling next week" or "I can't come back as planned." Communication is crucial. Without it, misunderstandings can arise, like if you don't mention you're going to Mombasa and your friend informs your partner. This could lead to suspicions. Transparency in marriage is vital, and communication fosters it. Without proper communication, small issues can escalate, potentially harming the relationship. Communication is a key factor in marriage success. For a marriage to thrive, partners must communicate effectively, especially on family-related matters. Let's move on to number five. Is it number five? Yes. Or four. Okay.

Number four: Partnership with accountability. A partnership without accountability leaves you vulnerable to attack, while a partnership with accountability safeguards you. To avoid conflict, embrace accountability. Don't take offense when questioned. Many men wonder why their wives question them, but it's natural for someone who has entrusted their life to you to ask about your plans, savings, or future goals. Why feel threatened by discussions about accountability? This life is shared between partners, and if children are involved, planning for their future is essential. A partnership lacking accountability in its direction is flawed and exposes your spouse. Men are called to lead in marriage, not just claim authority, but to provide clear guidance for the family's future. You need a plan and should be transparent about it. Concealing the future plan is wrong unless no plan exists. Allow your partner to hold you accountable. If you're in a marriage where both contribute financially, keeping each other informed about spending is important. It's not about control or disrespect; it's about mutual responsibility. If funds were pooled, discuss how they were used and learn from any mistakes. Accountability should not cause conflict or resentment. If you feel threatened by your partner's request for accountability, you're missing the point. The goal is the family's progress. Life is unpredictable, and having a plan ensures continuity. Consider leaders like TB Joshua, who prepared his wife to continue his ministry. Leadership involves preparing for the future. Men should lead by example, not just words. God expects men to guide their families, and women thrive under such leadership. May we gain understanding in Jesus' name.

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Another significant reason marriage faces challenges is financial instability. Financial issues are a primary factor in the physical strain on marriages. Regardless of how much a woman loves a man or her eagerness to marry, she does not intend to remain in a marriage without financial support. Women desire a partner who can fulfill both their needs and his own. They aim to address family needs together with their partner. Even if a woman has her own resources, she still considers her partner's financial contribution important. This is a natural inclination. Even wealthy women, regardless of their relationships, will only provide financial support if they derive pleasure from the relationship. Once that pleasure is no longer there, the financial support may cease. Traditionally, it is not expected for a woman to be the primary spender, and it feels more appropriate when the financial responsibility is shared or led by the man. Therefore, any man entering or already in a marriage must prioritize financial stability to ensure a joyful life. It's unrealistic to assume a wife will become so financially independent that she no longer expects financial contributions from her husband. Financial issues can lead to the deterioration of family relationships. Men should not be complacent about financial matters, especially if they are physically able to work. It's crucial to be proactive and show effort in financial endeavors, even if progress is slow. Excuses for not making money are often unfounded, as opportunities exist even within one's own community. Those who claim they cannot earn due to various reasons may need to reassess their mindset, as others in similar situations manage to find financial success.

Earning money isn't challenging for an intelligent person; it all begins with mindset. Many people remain poor due to their mindset, fear, and aversion to risk. They are so afraid of failure that they hesitate to take any steps forward. When financial struggles occur in a marriage, even the children become vulnerable. This can lead to negative influences, such as young girls engaging in risky behavior to obtain basic needs, due to an absent or failing father figure. Financial responsibility traditionally falls on the man, not the woman; any financial contribution from the woman is a blessing. The Bible states that a man who cannot provide for his family is an infidel, emphasizing the man's role as the provider. The woman is seen as the home builder, using what the man provides to nurture the family. Despite modern advancements where women also contribute financially, men should not become complacent. Men must actively contribute to their family's wellbeing. Neglecting this duty can lead to severe consequences, including the potential for family members to be harmed due to lack of protection and provision. Both boys and girls are now equally vulnerable to harm, and it is crucial for fathers to provide for their basic needs to prevent such dangers. Responsibility lies with the father until children reach adulthood, at which point they are accountable for their own actions. Even those without parents have succeeded in life, proving that starting from nothing is possible. Success begins with an idea, not money. A viable idea can attract investors who are willing to support it. Excuses such as lack of education or early parental loss are no longer valid in today's world. Entering marriage requires preparation and maturity, as marriage is for men, not boys. Adam was a man when he married Eve, and he faced their challenges together, taking responsibility. As a man, there are no excuses for failing to fulfill your role.

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I hear some men say, "I've tried repeatedly, but I can't succeed." Who said persistent effort isn't valuable? Keep trying. It's through continuous effort that you achieve a significant breakthrough. Don't feel bad about failing because you've made an attempt. Don't feel depressed or suffocated. Your wife will be proud of you as long as you keep trying. This is a mystery. Have you noticed even laborers have wives? Laborers, those who do manual jobs, have wives. No matter how humble the job, someone is married to a coffee maker. The husband's occupation is making coffee. Someone is married to a mortuary attendant. Women don't really care; we appreciate the income. If a woman can marry a mortuary attendant who handles dead bodies, do you think she'll reject you just because of your looks? It doesn't work that way. Women can't stand financial dryness. Even a small gesture like buying a 10 or 20 shilling chocolate makes her smile. You buy flowers, and she's thrilled, sharing it with everyone. A flower is just a colorful or scented grass, lasting at most a week if well cared for. Yet, it brings joy. If you refuse to make money and chase after women, your old age will be problematic. Many older men today suffer because they didn't strive to support their families when they were younger. Their children didn't see them working hard. Meanwhile, mothers are seen working, so when children have money, they tend to give it to their mothers. A man is only self-sufficient until about 60. After that, without money, he loses appeal. Which young woman would date someone broke at 50 or 60? Only someone with her own issues. But even at 80, if you have money, you'll attract many women. Have you seen some peculiar-looking men with beautiful partners? It's because of money. As a young man, never rely on a woman financially. If women start spoiling you with money, don't get comfortable. There are certain things I discourage. Even if I can help, I prefer to see a man strive. Seeing your effort motivates me to support you. But if you're complacent, your main achievement is just wandering around. Many fathers are ignored by their children because they didn't support them financially or emotionally. They were absentee fathers, contributing little to their children's growth. When they came home, they brought drama, not peace. So, children respect them as fathers but hold their mothers dear. It's not the women at fault; it's the men who don't realize that working hard to earn, no matter how tough, is essential. God bless you. Shalom.